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I stare at other women’s boobs. A lot.
There. I said it.
And as long as we’re having a truth session, I should add that I also find myself thinking about what kind of bra a woman is wearing.
But before you go thinking I’m some pervy weirdo or wondering whether this post was actually written by a 14-year-old boy in the throes of horndog hormones, let me explain. It’s nothing sexual, this brassiere contemplation, I just have an obsession with bras. In a good way. In a “Her boobs look great! I want my boobs to look that good! I wonder what she’s got on underneath that shirt?” kind of way.
Because let’s be honest: Not every woman has a lovely, perky rack that stays that way without at least a little bit of help from Freya, Chantelle or Victoria. I want to know what her rack is packin’.
It’s true what stylists say, that the proper foundations can really make or break an outfit. Wearing a bra that actually fits you well instantly makes your clothes look better and makes you look slimmer (droopy boobs plus lumpy tummy equals one hot mess of a midsection). And ask any woman who thought she was all that only to see a picture of herself and realize there are four lumps—not two—underneath her sweater. Argh, the scourge of Quad Boob!
True Confession: Bra Obsessions
My obsession with bras started several years ago on an otherwise-unremarkable trip to the Mall of America. I stopped in at Nordstrom and wandered into the lingerie department. A very nice saleswoman approached me and asked if I needed a fitting.
Did I need a bra fitting?
I’d never had one, so I shrugged and said what the hell. She sized me up with her tape measurer, brought me a few bras in the proper size (big surprise—like many women, I was wearing the wrong size), and, well, the foundation of my wardrobe was forever changed—literally.
While I walked away that day with a few new bras I liked well enough, that initial fitting sparked a quest to find that one perfect bra that would make my Chesty LaRues look ah-MAY-zing. If you look through my dresser drawer, you’ll find probably 10 to 15 bras mixed in with the plethora of chonies.* Some of these bras are practical, some are…not. There are long-line bras, demi-cups, convertible bras, T-shirt bras, sports bras, patterned, lace, molded cups–you name it, I probably have it. I’ll be the first to admit that my accumulation is a bit excessive.
But it’s all in the name of finding that perfect bra.
But guess what? There is no such thing as one perfect bra. There is, however, such a thing as multiple bras that are perfect for varying occasions. And to save yourself from an explosion of underwire when you open your dresser drawers, I offer a few simple tips for keeping a well-stocked, but not, ahem, uncontrollable amount of bras.