My biggest pet peeve is when people put down other people based on their body types or facial features. For example, I have a friend who is very warm and bubbly. She’s not what you’d call “conventionally beautiful,” but she dresses and grooms in a classic, conservative style that works very well for her. I remember when I first met her, and I thought she was adorable. The problem is that I have overheard people saying things about her such as “when you meet her, all you see is nose.”

That one is not so common, but what I do hear a lot is the idea that plus-size women, or women with disproportionate figures (bottom-heavy, top-heavy, etc.) don’t look pretty or attractive. It’s more common for me to hear (not overhear- these critics are shameless about this one) things like “she’s not so pretty- she’s fat/has a big butt/her breasts are too big/etc.”

Sorry, but when I hear these things, they make me sick to my stomach. And the very people who say these things are quick to assure me that I’m thin and pretty, but even though I’m thin and pleased with my looks in general, I can’t stand it from them.

My message here is this: If you dress and groom well and play up your good points, you are beautiful. Period. No matter what kind of body or face you have, you have the right body and face. If the clothes are wrong, get rid of them and get the clothes that are right.

Touche, my friend.. Touche....

It’s also about attitude.. If you feel good about yourself, you will also look good.... I always remember this old “Married with Children”, when Kelly said “I look good, beacuse I think I look good”....

Thank you Machazait,

My late father always say that I am not attractive and its become one of my limiting belief.
But recently I just learned how to remove this limiting belief and focus on my best part of my body.
I joined forums on fashion (thank you budget fashionista) to get around with people like you and to learn more on fashion.
You give me another reason why I should be here and talking with you guys…

Well put!  Society tends to reduce beauty to a small amount of features.  Lips. Chest.  Butt. Whatever.  How about the whole package instead?!

That’s a good point Jenn, and I think we do it to ourselves too—sometimes I look in the mirror and zoom in on the one thing I DON’T like at that moment, and then it’s all I see. Those are the moments I remind myself to look at the big picture and remind myself that that’s what other people typically see (besides those hyper-critical folks, and I try not to care what they think anyway). So, once I refocus on the big picture, I usually feel better overall. It is a process, however . . .

The Budget Fashionista - 07 August 2008 09:40 PM

Touche, my friend.. Touche....

It’s also about attitude.. If you feel good about yourself, you will also look good.... I always remember this old “Married with Children”, when Kelly said “I look good, beacuse I think I look good”....

I always applaud people who have the self-confidence to feel good about how they look, even if others don’t think they look so good. Like my friend mentioned above. She dresses and grooms very well, and she carries herself with quiet confidence. She looks great, and whatever nose she has, it gives her face some character so that she looks like a real woman, not some airbrushed fake.

I’m sure we’ve all had those days when we feel so ugly we want to just give up, but I’ve found that taking a little extra effort - get a manicure, do your makeup, dress up a little - always make me feel better and more confident. Look good, feel better!

Additionally, figure out what looks good on you. High-waisted paperbag pants might be in this season, but don’t torture yourself by trying on endless pairs if you find out they’re not the style for you.

To have what you want you have to want what you have.  Not my saying, but I can’t remember whose it is.  Everyone needs to STOP obsessing about what we think is wrong with our bodies and START appreciating what’s right!  Once we truly appreciate something, then we are willing to put the time and effort in to care for it.

I recently attended a wedding of a relative. The bride and her sisters all have very distinctive features. Only one of them could be considered “conventionally beautiful.” I think they all look terrific, mainly because they don’t look like cookie-cutter beauties. Unfortunately, I heard it again- one of my other relatives says that one of the sisters needs cosmetic surgery. Worse, that relative had to say that right while I was already nauseated with morning sickness. Talk about making me sick.

I think plastic surgery has its place, but I don’t think that place should be “keeping up with society’s warped standards of beauty.” Maybe I just have weird taste, but I prefer a face with some character to it that doesn’t look so conventional. Could be that faces like that are easier to recognize :)

wow what a fantastically positive series of posts this has been.  I believe that the title of the starter is a perfect summary-well put. i have roommates that are this way-completely hypercritical of everyone else but realistically these people are the ones who will never be happy with themselves.

Donatella0210 - 09 September 2008 10:47 AM

wow what a fantastically positive series of posts this has been.  I believe that the title of the starter is a perfect summary-well put. i have roommates that are this way-completely hypercritical of everyone else but realistically these people are the ones who will never be happy with themselves.

I actually find that the critics who say those kinds of terrible things are not happy with themselves. I mentioned a relative who is overly critical and thinks that some women have bad noses and others are fat. This relative is also forever complaining about how old and fat she herself is. It’s really sad.

I agree with everyone who says that you have to look at the big picture, but I also think that for everything you don’t like about yourself, you need to find something you do like. Maybe you don’t like your large derriere, but you probably have beautiful toned arms. Maybe you’re like me and you don’t like your complexion, but you have great eyes.

Like I said before, you have to dress and groom well and play up your good points. And there is no woman out there who doesn’t have good points, so find your’s and work them.

Great posts!  I agree about “cookie-cutter” looks.  I recently attended a party that was just that!  I alone wore a a skirt and light curls in my very dark hair--in a sea of capris and over-processed-blonde.  And for a minute I caught myself feeling sheepish.  Then I realized how I stood out, how my hair was soft and my rather juicy bum was stylishly hidden in my skirt.  So, even when you know it’s the right look for your type of beauty, that insecurity can whisper in your ear.